i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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