Swine flu. Run for my life!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
