The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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