I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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