I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
