I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In America we eat man semen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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