just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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