I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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