just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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