i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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