i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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