GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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