Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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