Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
