I hate your face
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
