just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
