Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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