that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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