Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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