so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize