I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
