Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
