She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
