I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
