the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
