I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
