I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
