i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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