Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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