I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
