We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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