I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
