oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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