Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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