I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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