did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
