you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
