The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
