Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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