my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
