you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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