is your mom at the bar?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
