So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
