I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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