apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
