She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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