i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
