and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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