You're completely useless in the revolution.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
