spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
