It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
