...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
