Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
