Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
