I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
