Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
