I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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