I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
