Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize