We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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