Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
