So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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