I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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