On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
