i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
