Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's never too late to be topless.
3pm strippers are depressing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
