my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
