i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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