So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize