How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
