how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
