The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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