I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize