people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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