If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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