paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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