just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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