I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
