How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We are two peas in an std pod
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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