I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
