I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
