oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
